Sunday, May 25, 2008
Sometimes I wonder if my boyfriend wants to check me into a mental institution. I have this problem where I don't know how to speak up when somethings bothering me. And I'll wait til' it has bugged me to the point that I just bring it up randomly. Now I wasn't always like this. I used to be a very blunt person and within the past few years I have softened up a little too much than I'd like to. But I do commend my boyfriend for being a man and dealing with my nonsense when I know I have driven him to the tip of the ice berg. I can at least admit when I'm wrong and it takes a lot to change. Hey I'm trying!
I have noticed a lot of times I catch myself zoning out and my mind wandering, with this blank stare on my face, sometimes my eyes even get watery. This is a ramble dedicated to my
Jonathan, who usually catches me in these stares and asks "what's wrong." I reply "nothin" because I know if I speak on it I'll just break down & cry.
1. My father passing away. How I can't believe it, memories flash in my mind, he's always in my dreams & sometimes I sigh really loud.
2. Being a work-a-holic. Having 1 free day out of the week from both jobs.
3. The weight I've gained. I wish I could work out but working 6/7 days a week, the gym isn't exactly #1 on the things I want to do on my day off.
4. My hair breaking off, falling out. It grows its thick healthy then one time out the year it massively sheds off.
5. Not having family & friends closer. I love Chicago I wish I could have the best of both worlds.
6. How understanding, loving & accepting my boyfriend is. I drive him nuts.
7. Wondering if I'll ever graduate from college. Who knows?
8. Making a decent income but afraid of buying anything. I feel like because I have a little cash if I spend a little then I'll go broke.
This is a video my family just made for me today. My mom, my younger sister Maya, my older sister Shayla and her daughter (my niece) Anna. I miss them :(
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Before you read ask yourself this: Am I going to be a lurker or a commenter?
If you answered a lurker then I strongly suggest you stop reading. I'm going to talk about things I don't feel comfortable discussing but I am because I want to get it off my chest.
I wanted to start my blog off with something everyone can relate to (if you're normal) and something that is even more real to me. Feeling insecure. Even right now I feel funny about writing about this but I will anyway. It might sound crazy/silly to some people but some deal with it on a daily basis.
I have this
horrible underbite that is way noticeable. For the past 5 years or so I have dealt with people who tease me about it from kids to a female who is way older than me.
(Why would a grown woman make fun of me, is beyond me. I could get into how she's one of those people who are ugly on the inside so it makes her even uglier or on the outside. Or how her and her kids look dirty, but then I'd be on her level.
) At times this underbite makes me feel uncomfortable, embarrassed, and insecure. I get so worried about it and it drives me nuts. I have days when I don't really care especially when people say it
makes me look like my dad. I even became so insecure that I would think that guys treated me the way they did because I wasn't perfect or that "dime" they were looking for. I'm glad I met someone who doesn't care about that and makes me feel beautiful. Don't get it twisted I don't think I'm ugly I just have a visible flaw. I know I'm beautiful on the inside and the outside because my family, friends and my boyfriend tell me all the time.
My Item Of the Week(
Majority of my items will be from The Body Shop, I love my job, sometimes.)
Peppermint Foot RescueThis product is way fabulous. Especially after being on your feet all day. It is a great foot moisturizer. I've massaged it on my man's feet. (Grow up.)
RIP Muffy
(my sister's cat died 2 weeks ago :[ )
Anna BananaMy niece is the cutest baby, ever. Period.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
The
OFFICIAL first entry is on its' way. Are you ready?
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