Sometimes I wonder if my boyfriend wants to check me into a mental institution. I have this problem where I don't know how to speak up when somethings bothering me. And I'll wait til' it has bugged me to the point that I just bring it up randomly. Now I wasn't always like this. I used to be a very blunt person and within the past few years I have softened up a little too much than I'd like to. But I do commend my boyfriend for being a man and dealing with my nonsense when I know I have driven him to the tip of the ice berg. I can at least admit when I'm wrong and it takes a lot to change. Hey I'm trying!

I have noticed a lot of times I catch myself zoning out and my mind wandering, with this blank stare on my face, sometimes my eyes even get watery. This is a ramble dedicated to my Jonathan, who usually catches me in these stares and asks "what's wrong." I reply "nothin" because I know if I speak on it I'll just break down & cry.

1. My father passing away. How I can't believe it, memories flash in my mind, he's always in my dreams & sometimes I sigh really loud.
2. Being a work-a-holic. Having 1 free day out of the week from both jobs.
3. The weight I've gained. I wish I could work out but working 6/7 days a week, the gym isn't exactly #1 on the things I want to do on my day off.
4. My hair breaking off, falling out. It grows its thick healthy then one time out the year it massively sheds off.
5. Not having family & friends closer. I love Chicago I wish I could have the best of both worlds.
6. How understanding, loving & accepting my boyfriend is. I drive him nuts.
7. Wondering if I'll ever graduate from college. Who knows?
8. Making a decent income but afraid of buying anything. I feel like because I have a little cash if I spend a little then I'll go broke.

This is a video my family just made for me today. My mom, my younger sister Maya, my older sister Shayla and her daughter (my niece) Anna. I miss them :(